I honestly felt like this was too premature to share..
I believe there is more to the story
I believe that God is not finished with this one.
Yet on yesterday God placed it on my heart to share this with you. I slept on it and dreamt about it.. What a confirmation!
While I was rehearsing the details, I realized quickly that He (God) is the God of not only the beginning and the end ( Alpha and Omega), but the God right in the Middle - the messy, frustrating, doubting, foggy middle.
This unfinished story is yet producing ...
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Still producing goodness and still amplifies the magnificent of Gods attributes of Gods love towards His beloved
So here we go..
For context it's good to know that I am full time caregiver for my grandfather I quit my job June of 2022 in obedience to God and to fully dedicate my time as a caregiver. Since then I have focused on caregiving and ministry. I've been a full time caregiver and entrepreneur for over a year at this point.
Here's the story ..
In the beginning of August, my grandfather had an accident which required him to be rushed to the ER and later resulted in the need of surgery.
In his moment of pain I felt so helpless and all I could remember is wanting him to be well and knowing that I would commit to being by his side the whole way through. I slept in a hard ER chair with a questionable hospital pillow with him overnight until the next day when he would be able to get the surgery needed.
We went on to spend a week and one day in the hospital together. I made my bed in the hospital and switched out with my family as needed.
This was exhausting physically, and taxing emotionally and mentally!
But soon his day came and so did mine...
He was on his way to recovery which was great...
On the day of his transfer from the hospital to a physical therapy rehabilitation center I started experiencing something that I DID NOT EXPECT!
Literally the moment he got settled for recovery ... my body became unsettled and I began to experience pain that I thought was just the
a stomach virus and would go away..
But this pain didn't go away instead it got worse!
The pain made it difficult to stand so that day I spent the most of my time crouched over in hopes that I would be able to experience some relief...
It got worse...
and by the time I got back home I was on all fours. At this point I knew something was wrong so I drove myself to the ER ( I am not the one that is quick to go to the doctor for every little thing, so if I go its bad)
I was actively in between vomiting, questioning, tears, and frustration. I left the ER 6 hours later still in pain with a suspected cause - which I would find out later wasn't the cause!
Which led me back to the ER twice before I got an accurate cause and enough relief to just function..
The results were hurtful, shocking and disappointing. I was totally taken aback but resolved not to settle in the report.
I couldn't eat without feeling nauseous, it was difficult to stand, and I barely slept. This was the most debilitating pain, I had ever felt outside of labor pain. My last drive to the ER I prayed all the way to there because I knew it was dangerous for me to drive because I could feel myself about to pass out because of the level of pain I was in.
This pain was not only physical but also mental. I felt defeated, overwhelmed, helpless and depression was setting in slowly but surely. My capacity was shot yet life was still demanding a response. I still had to show for what needed to be done, I was still in the middle of planning my upcoming conference, with no mental strength to do the work.
Not only did it take a toll physically, emotionally, and mentally but also financially..
I left that week with doctors bills of over $10,000.00 I went from no medical bills to now having over $10,000.00 unexpected medical bills.
I can not tell this without honoring my mother, my sisters, friends, and the community of believers that love me and care for me so. I was under the best love and care which made this process less grueling.
We moved on from there ... things seemed to be looking up..
Until ...
A month to the VERY date of when I went to the ER the first time. While driving with my son in the care, I was I hit head on by a driver who seemed to be under the influence. Full speed.
But I Thank God that we left the accident with only scraps, abrasions, and back and neck pain. My neck and my back literally lol iykyk. This accident also totaled our only vehicle.
Look at how God protected us!!!
Despite it all ...
God has been in the middle, and this story is certainly finished and God is at the end... I am just in its climax and there will be a glorious ending.
God has assured me, protected me, consoled my doubts, fears, and tears. Subdued every anxiety. Lifted me from the muck of defeat and depression. When I was shaken, He settled me. In my frustrations, I have experienced a peaceful confidence that all things including this is working together for my good and God is actively and presently in the middle and He is sufficient. Which allowed me to move forward!
I don't really have much more to say, but there is more to this story.. the God that was in the beginning is now in the middle and has already been at the end of this...
and I want you to know that God is in your middle what ever that may be for you... you're not forgotten by God.. His eyes are on you, even when you don't feel like it.
THIS IS NOT THE END ITS JUST THE MIDDLE ... to be cont...
Love you,
Z
God has called me to help women uncover their true identity in Christ and thrive in their God-given purpose! This means so much to me would you take a moment to learn more?
Learn more about Beautiful Life Ministries at www.iamzaneeka.com/beautifullifeministries
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